Introduction and Anticipatory Grief of a Granddaughter

pinkpoppy 1 month ago

1 reply

Hi there. I’m a granddaughter of an incredible man who has had a diagnosis of idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis for the last 8 years. He is now in his final days/weeks.

I love my grandad, so so so much. I want to know how I can try and hold back some of the crying in front of him, because he is the type that wouldn’t like to see us in pain. I have moderate/severe mental health disorders myself, and this anticipatory grief is hitting me pretty hard.

I had started making him a quilt a year ago, but got sidetracked from the project and knowing that I almost certainly will never get to even show it to him, let alone gift it, is perhaps my only regret. That regret is eating at me. We have a very close relationship and I don’t have any more regrets.

I’m just so sad. I love him. I want forever, but even more than that I don’t want him to suffer anymore. I hope to find community here.

Daffodil 1 month ago

Hi pinkpoppy,

We are so sorry to hear about your granddad's diagnosis and that he is now in the final phase of his life. He sounds like a wonderful grandfather and it is clear from your message how much you love him.

The final days of a love one are always an exceptional and emotional time, and your sadness and wishes for your granddad's suffering to stop, while very personal to you, are shared by many others in similar situations. It seems that your effort not to show emotion when you are with your granddad, and your history of mental health issues, make this a particularly difficult time for you. Is there anywhere you can turn for support, for example to someone who has guided you through your mental health in the past? Someone with whom you are comfortable to share your grief? I found this incredibly useful when I accompanied a family member through their final days.

You are welcome to call the Marie Curie support line (0800 090 2309, open 8am to 6pm Monday to Friday, and 10am to 4pm Saturday to Sunday) if you would like to talk to someone and receive information and support regarding the end of your granddad's life and grief.

As for the quilt: it sounds like, even in its unfinished state, it has formed a connection between you and your granddad. Would you like to talk more about this (here or with someone else)? Please write again if you like.  

Take care,

💛 Anke, a member of the Marie Curie Online Community team