I'm sorry

mummypooh 10 years ago

2 replies

I'm really sorry don't know if im on the right page, site etc but im struggling with the loss of my mother in law. Lung cancer Oct 2014, God bless her went through a terrible time but we (as a family) haven't grieved. Had chance too really. My husband is the youngest of 3 boys & they are quite an estranged bunch so this time is even more strange. I'm struggling with how to deal with things sorry to be a burden of bad news & to even seem selfish. I'm trying to help my husband but at the mo he's either really clingy or very distant. I don't know of im allowed to show that I too am grieving or to just pretend to be strong? As a family I feel we are all walking on egg shells, I know it's early days but im an open person so feel I need to express with someone.

Jane 10 years ago

Hello mummypooh and welcome to the community. I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling after the death of your mother-in-law – we know many people have the same kind of feelings at these times so you’re not alone in that. You’re in the right place to talk about it, although the community has only just started up so it may take longer for people to reply at first. 

In the meantime you might find Marie Curie’s booklet about bereavement useful – you can find it on our website at http://www.mariecurie.org.uk/en-gb/patients-carers/bereavement/

I hope this helps a little with what you're going through.

Does anyone else have thoughts or experiences they'd like to share?

Jane

HilaryB 10 years ago

Mummypooh -  my experience, from when my husband died a year ago, was that it is often the people/family who have had little to do with the person , or live far away, who find it the hardest to deal with. I found myself constantly trying to do the right thing by them, and tried not to be too needy myself. Assuming you had a nice relationship with your Mother in law, I'm sure your family would find it odd if you weren't grieving - but you can show it in a supportive way, by talking about her and the things you miss about her. Perhaps you could organise some form of commemorative event - a walk, or an outing to one of her favourite places, for just your branch of the family (unless you feel brave enough to include the estranged siblings). There are no rights or wrongs - just do what you think feels right. Best wishes.